The Genius of TV Network Executives

So, there's this new show on NBC called "The Book of Daniel". I can just see the network executives in their board room discussing this show (hypothetically, since I wasn't invited to the meeting).


FADE IN:

INT. - A FANCY CORPORATE BOARD ROOM - DAY

Three men, obviously executive businessmen, are sitting around a large glass-topped conference table.

Executive #1 (the Big Man, the Head Honcho):
“We need a show that appeals to all those religious nuts who voted Republican in the 2004 election. The polls showed that ‘moral values’ are important to these wackos.”

Executive #2:
“How about this? We can have a show about a priest! Except, instead of focusing on the purity of his faith, we can make him sort of nutty, you know, like that chick in ‘Joan of Arcadia’ who was always talking to God.”

Executive #3:
“Yeah! We don’t want to be copycats, so maybe the priest can talk to Jesus instead of God. Nobody can prove that God exists, but I think they're pretty sure Jesus was a real person."

Executive #2:
“Doesn’t that firefighter on ‘Rescue Me’ talk to Jesus?”

Executive #3 (dismissing the comment with a wave of his hand):
“Yeah, but the Jesus on that show was married to Mary Magdalene. We can’t do it on our show ‘cause that’ll piss off the Jesus freaks. Don’t you remember ‘The Last Temptation of Christ’? Of course, back then, we didn’t realize how many Americans take this Bible crap seriously.”

Executive #1:
“Who cares about ‘Rescue Me’? That’s on cable. Nobody watches cable. Besides, we all know those Jesus freaks are delusional. This will prove it.”

(Rubs his chin as if in deep thought)

“Is there any way we can portray the priest as some sort of hypocrite? You know, all of those Christian-types are hypocrites.”

Executive #2 (eagerly):
“What if we make the priest addicted to prescription drugs?”

Executive #1 (nodding in approval):
"Good, good..."

Executive #3 (feeling competitive with Executive #2):
“Ooh, I know! We can make his son gay! We all know those Christians don’t like gays.”

Executive #2 (glaring at Executive #3):
“What if we make his daughter a drug dealer?”

Executive #1:
“Let’s do all three. And we'll give him an alcoholic wife.”

Executive #3:
“Can’t we throw in a Muslim character? You know, to show the contrast between those hypocritical Christians and a ‘real’ religion?”

Executive #1:
“No, we don’t want to risk offending the Muslim community. Let’s just stick with the Christian nutcase.”

(Bangs the table in triumph)

“Perfect! We have an alcoholic, a homosexual, a drug dealer and a prescription drug addict who is a Christian priest. That leaves us open to all kinds of current and topical plots. Plus, the reviewers will call it 'edgy'.”

(Laughs)

“This should appeal to those right-wing nutjobs. We’ll show them ‘moral values’!”


So that's how a new show gets a "Go" in Hollywood. (OK, so maybe that's not exactly how it works, but it's fun to speculate, eh?)